“- Ricky Lipman: I'm the best friend, and I have been in front of her face the whole time, and she just... hasn't really realized it yet, but she will.
- Jake Wyler: Well, I'm the reformed cool guy, who's learned the error of his ways. She's gonna forgive me for my mistakes, and realize that I really love her.
- Ricky Lipman: Dammit, that's true.”

Eric Jungmann - Ricky Lipman
Chris Evans - Jake Wyler

“- Buck Russell: Did you brush your teeth?
- Miles Russell: Yeah. You can even feel my toothbrush.
- Buck Russell: You know, I have a friend who works at the crime lab at the police station. I could give him your toothbrush and he could run a test on it. To see if you actually brushed your teeth or just ran your toothbrush under the faucet.”
John Candy - Buck Russell
Macaulay Culkin - Miles Russell

“- Murtogg: I said no lies.
- Mullroy: I think he's telling the truth.
- Murtogg: If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us.
- Jack Sparrow: Unless, of course, he knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told it to you.”
Giles New - Murtogg
Angus Barnett - Mullroy
Johnny Depp - Jack Sparrow

“- Kirk Lazarus: Took a whole lotta tryin' just to get up that hill. Now we're up in the big leagues, gettin' our turn at bat. As long as we live, it's you and me, baby...
- Alpa Chino - Hot LZ: [pulling away] That's the theme song to The Jeffersons. Man, you really need help.
- Kirk Lazarus: Just because it's a theme song don't mean it's not true.”
Robert Downey Jr. - Kirk Lazarus
Brandon T. Jackson - Alpa Chino - Hot LZ

“You know what's so good about the truth? Everyone knows what it is however long they've lived without it. No one forgets the truth, Frank, they just get better at lying.”
Kate Winslet - April Wheeler