“Don't be fooled by appearances. In Hawaii, some of the most powerful people look like bums and stuntmen.”

George Clooney - Matt King

“- Alice: That's odd he knew I drank vodka tonics. I never told him.
- Des: It's uncanny.
- Alice: You mean it's a complete cliché? All women recentcollege graduates drink vodka tonics, or something like that?
- Des: Well, maybe.”
Chloë Sevigny - Alice
Chris Eigeman - Des

- Elaine Dickinson: Would you like something to read?
- Hanging Lady: Do you have anything light?
- Elaine Dickinson: How about this leaflet, "Famous Jewish SportsLegends"?
Julie Hagerty - Elaine Dickinson
Ann Nelson - Hanging Lady

“All gay men have track lightin'. And all gay men are named Mark, Rick, or Steve.”
Shirley MacLaine - Ouiser Boudreaux

“You want to find an outlaw, hire an outlaw. You want to find a Dunkin' Donuts, call a cop.”
Randall 'Tex' Cobb - Leonard Smalls