“- Freedonia's Secretary of War #1: I give all my time and energy to my duties, and what do I get?
- Rufus T. Firefly: You get awfully tiresome after a while!”
Edwin Maxwell - Freedonia's Secretary of War #1
Groucho Marx - Rufus T. Firefly

“- Lou Bloom: I'm promoting you to executive Vice President of video news.
- Rick: What am I now?
- Lou Bloom: You're an assistant.”
Jake Gyllenhaal - Lou Bloom
Riz Ahmed - Rick

“- Brett: You see, Mr. Parker and I feel that the bonus situation has never been on an equitable level.
- Dallas: You get what you're contracted for like everybody else.
- Brett: Yes, but everybody else, uh, gets more than us.”
Harry Dean Stanton - Brett
Tom Skerritt - Dallas

“- Joseph Turner White: What's an associate producer credit?
- Bill Smith: It's what you give to your secretary instead of a raise.”
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Joseph Turner White
Lionel Mark Smith - Bill Smith

“Dear Governor Axtell. I've heard that you will give 200 dollars for my head. Perhaps we should meet and talk. I am at the Juarez village at the border. Send three men, and instruct them not to shoot, as I am unarmed. In short, Sir; I surrender. Your obedient servant William H. Bonney. PS: I changed my mind. Kiss my ass!”
Emilio Estevez - William H. 'Billy the Kid' Bonney