“There's a way out of this game. Kill yourselves together, here, now. If you can't do that, then don't trust anyone... just run.”
Tarô Yamamoto - Shôgo Kawada

“- Patches O'Houlihan: If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
- Justin: What?
[Patches O'Houlihan throws a wrench and hits Justin in the face]”
Rip Torn - Patches O'Houlihan
Justin Long - Justin

“- Cotton McKnight: I'm being told that Average Joe's does not have enough players and will be forfeiting the championship match.
- Pepper Brooks: It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em.”
Gary Cole - Cotton McKnight
Jason Bateman - Pepper Brooks

“If you're going to become true dodgeballers, then you've got to learn the five d's of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge!”
Rip Torn - Patches O'Houlihan

“- Cotton McKnight: Average Joe's has a tough job, facing the Lumberjacks. These woodsmen probably haven't even smelled a woman in eight months.
- Pepper Brooks: They must masturbate a lot, Cotton.”

Gary Cole - Cotton McKnight
Jason Bateman - Pepper Brooks