“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.”
Lily Tomlin

“Men are like linoleum. If you lay them right the first time, you can walk on them for 20 years.”
Jane Wagner

“You come out of a woman and you spend the rest of your life trying to get back inside.”
Heathcote Williams

“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.”

Robin Williams

“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.”
Shirley MacLaine