Husband quotes

“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.”
Shirley MacLaine

“- Miss Scarlet: Do you miss him?
- Mrs. White: Well, it's a matter of life after death. Now that he's dead, I have a life.
- Wadsworth: But, he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared.
- Mrs. White: But that was his job. He was an illusionist.
- Wadsworth: But he never reappeared!
- Mrs. White: He wasn't a very good...” (continue)(continue reading)

Lesley Ann Warren - Miss Scarlet
Madeline Kahn - Mrs. White
Tim Curry - Wadsworth

“How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?”
Zsa Zsa Gabor

“- Elzora: Some things are better left unsaid.
- Mozelle Batiste Delacroix: I paid you a dollar, old woman. Now tell my fortune.
- Elzora: I don't need no cat bones to tell your fortune, Mozelle Batiste. You are a curse. The Black Widow. Next man that marries you is a dead man. Like the others. Always be that way.”
Diahann Carroll - Elzora
Debbi Morgan - Mozelle Batiste Delacroix

“- Angelo 'Snaps' Provolone: After the wedding, you'll move into a nice ground floor apartment.
- Lisa Provolone: Why a ground floor apartment?
- Angelo 'Snaps' Provolone: Because after I break his legs, he's not gonna make it up any steps!”
Sylvester Stallone - Angelo 'Snaps' Provolone
Marisa Tomei - Lisa Provolone

“A husband is what's left of a sweetheart after the nerve has been killed.”
Lou Costello

“If I found a man who had 15 million dollars, would sign over half of it to me before the marriage, and guarantee he'd be dead within a year.”

Bette Davis

“- Susan: You know what's wrong with you, Mr Grandi? You've being seeing too many gangster movies. Mike may be spoiling some of your fun.
- 'Uncle' Joe Grandi: Mike?
- Susan: My husband, yeah! And if you're trying to scare me into calling him off, let me tell you something Mr. Grandi. I may be scared, but he won't be.”
Janet Leigh - Susan Vargas
Akim Tamiroff - 'Uncle' Joe Grandi

“- George Peatty: Tell me something, will you, Sherry. Just tell me one thing. Why did you ever marry me, anyway?
- Sherry Peatty: Oh, George, when a man has to ask his wife that; well, he just hadn't better, that's all.”
Marie Windsor - Sherry Peatty
Elisha Cook Jr. - George Peatty

“Amanda, my love, why do you stay married to a legal beagle with ten thumbs?”
David Wayne - Kip Lurie

“My children will still need a father, and I will still need a husband.”

Rachel Weisz - Clare Crowhurst

“I think there's something degrading about having a husband for a rival. It's humiliating if you fail and commonplace if you succeed.”
Christopher Hampton

“- Seth Lord: What most wivesfail to realize is that their husband's philandering has nothing whatever to do with them.
- Tracy Lord: Then what has it to do with?
- Seth Lord: A reluctance to go grow old.”
John Halliday - Seth Lord
Katharine Hepburn - Tracy Lord

“I am a wife-made man.”
Danny Kaye

“She had this room and you knew about it. You knew she was going to kill her husband and you had this Dr. Kammer here all ready for the nut alibi.”

Sam Levene - Police Lt. Abrams

“- Maria Tura: You certainly don't want me to waste a lot of time giving you a long explanation.
- Joseph Tura: No, but I think a husband is entitled to an inkling.”

Carole Lombard - Maria Tura
Jack Benny - Joseph Tura

“Dear, I always say, a flawed husband is better than none at all.”
Robin Williams - Mrs. Doubtfire

“Every man on earth has his leaving step. If my husband had been a small man, he would not have been able to leave me. But he was a large man, and stepped over me as I slept, one great stride.”
Meg Ryan - Katharine

“- Lucy Chadman: Of course he may not be too thrilled to hear how No. 3 died.
- Jason Chadman: You mean... During...?
- Lucy Chadman: No. Just after. According to Kim he came and went.”

Shelley Lee Long - Lucy Chadman
Corbin Bernsen - Jason Chadman

“- Eddie Valiant: Dolores, you need to find yourself a good man.
- Dolores: But I already have a good man.”
Bob Hoskins - Eddie Valiant
Joanna Cassidy - Dolores

“- Christian Grey: Good morning, wife.
- Anastasia Steele: Good morning, husband.”
Jamie Dornan - Christian Grey
Dakota Johnson - Anastasia Steele

“You seem to be taking it pretty good. I've seen 'em come in here, weep and wail like Baptists at a funeral. Like they hired me to prove their husbands weren't fooling around.”

Cedric the Entertainer - Gus Petch

“- Tracy Woodside: See, he doesn't speak.
- Brian Gilcrest: He just said a lot, actually.
- Tracy Woodside: What did he say?
- Brian Gilcrest: 'Check out my manliness, dude. I've been working out and I'm a little too handsome to ever see you as a threat, Brian. Good evening'
- Tracy Woodside: He said that?
- Brian Gilcrest: He's actually very...” (continue)(continue reading)

Rachel McAdams - Tracy Woodside
Bradley Cooper - Brian Gilcrest

“If you go away on location for three months and your wife stays at home, you've made a whole new load of friends and she's made a whole new load of friends and you get home and you're kind of strangers.”
Sir Michael Caine

“I took tennis lessons faithfully twice a week for six years. When I got married, I brought my young husband, Vittorio Gassman, to the Beverly Hills Tennis Club and, although he had been on the Italian Olympic basketball team, he had never held a tennis racket in his hand. The first time we played, he beat me 6-0. I broke my racket and threw it...” (continue)(continue reading)

Shelley Winters