“Alright, wait a minute. No drinking, no drugs, no kissing, no tattoos, no piercings, no ritual animal slaughters of any kind. Oh, God, I'm giving them ideas.”

Larry Miller - Walter Stratford

“- Zack: Maybe now's a good time to talk about the rules in my room.
- Crawl: Rules?
- Zack: Rule number 1: Don't touch anything.
- Crawl: And what's rule number 2?
- Zack: There's only one rule. Don't touch anything!”
Patrick Renna - Zack Warner
Pauly Shore - Crawl

“What are the two house rules? Number One: no dating till you graduate. Number Two: no dating till you graduate.”

Larry Miller - Walter Stratford

“- Mrs. Dempsey: Mrs. Cox would never allow us. It's against the rules.
- Mr. Bloom: Rules? Did rules ever stop a child from playing?”
Helen Shaw - Mrs. Dempsey
Scatman Crothers - Mr. Bloom

“- Abbott: Put that out. There's no smoking in here.
- Costello: What makes you think I'm smoking?
- Abbott: You've got a cigar in your mouth!
- Costello: I've got shoes on... it doesn't mean I'm walking.”
Bud Abbott - Abbott
Lou Costello - Costello