“- Rose Darko: Our son just called me a bitch.
- Eddie Darko: You're not a bitch. You're bitchin', but you're not a bitch.”
Mary McDonnell - Rose Darko
Holmes Osborne - Eddie Darko

“- Danny Lidz: Fascist hatemonger! That boy is a Hitler in the making! A Hitler in the making!
- Mr. Crispi: That's my son you're talking about!
- Danny Lidz: Meet Hitler's father.”

Michael Richards - Danny Lidz
Wayne Duvall - Mr. Crispi

“- Terrance Paul Davidson: What is beetle headed?
- Nick Beam: It's a synonym for stupid!
- Terrance Paul Davidson: Oh. Well, here's a synonym for procreation: fuck you! It's easy for you to point the finger when you're sitting on your rich ass in a big fucking house!”
Martin Lawrence - Terrance Paul Davidson
Tim Robbins - Nick Beam

“I'm a genuine countess with a lot of dough, and if that's your wife she's a tub of guts.”
Zoe Caldwell - The Countess

“Number Two Son very promising detective... promises very much, produces very little.”

Sidney Toler - Charlie Chan