“- Prime Minister Soto: President Benson, where's your First Lady?
- Tug Benson: I don't know. I've had lots of women. Lost my flower at the age of 15. I can't keep track.”
Clyde Kusatsu - Prime Minister Soto
Lloyd Bridges - Tug Benson

- Gary: McKinley needs to experience "The Ultimate"!
- J.J.: You mean, penis-in-vagina?
- Gary: No, dickhead - sex.
A.D. Miles - Gary
Zak Orth - J.J.

“I am going to Bangkok to assume a missionary position.”

Joan Messiah - Nun

“- Nun: Have you ever been down the Yellow River?
- Leon: ...Yea, once in the '80s but I did not enjoy it...”
Joan Messiah - Nun
Tim Meadows - Leon Phelps

“- Crawl: Hey, you'll be happy to know that as soon as you left, I popped your daughter's trunk!
- Walter: Oh, shit.”
Pauly Shore - Crawl
Lane Smith - Walter Warner