Humor quotes

“I'm left with only one option, I'm gonna have to science the shit out of this.”
Matt Damon - Mark Watnay

“Nothing can be as painful as listening to you talk.”

Daniel Craig - James Bond

“I have been accused of being a joker. But the most successful art to me involves humor.”
Man Ray

“If I ever have sex with someone I might be able to develop a sense of humor.”
Kate Beckinsale

“Humor is healing.”
Brad Garrett

“I want everything I do to have humor in it, because it seems to me that all of life has that.”
Lawrence Kasdan

“Pitcher's got a big butt! Pitcher's got a big butt!”
Thomas Ian Nicholas - Henry Rowengartner

“- Darryl Kerrigan: Now here back: all landfill. Not allowed to build there.
- Council Officer: Has the soil been tested?
- Darryl Kerrigan: Oh yeah, nothing too serious in there... what do you know about lead?”
Michael Caton-Jones - Darryl Kerrigan
Stephanie Daniel - Council Officer

“- Miss McAdam: There is nothing wrong with soap. Soap was good enough for our Lord. I expect.
- Mrs. Kehoe: Well, which brand did he use, Miss McAdam? Does the Bible tell you that?”
Mary O'Driscoll - Miss McAdam
Julie Walters - Mrs. Kehoe

“- Wayne Kerrigan: How's Mum?
- Dale Kerrigan: Good.
- Wayne Kerrigan: How's Dad?
- Dale Kerrigan: Good.
- Wayne Kerrigan: How's Trace?
- Dale Kerrigan: Good.
- Wayne Kerrigan: How are you?
- Dale Kerrigan: Good.
- Wayne Kerrigan: How's Steve?
- Dale Kerrigan: He's all right.
- Wayne Kerrigan: Good.
- Dale Kerrigan: [voice-over] We could just...” (continue)(continue reading)
Wayne Hope - Wayne Kerrigan
Stephen Curry - Dale Kerrigan

“Here's my philosophy on dating. It's important to have somebody that can make you laugh, somebody you can trust, somebody that, y'know, turns you on... And it's really, really important that these three people don't know each other.”
Sophia Bush - Brooke Davis

“The only thing I’m not good at is modesty, because I’m great at it.”
Chelsea Peretti - Gina Linetti

“Sardonic humor is just my way of relating to the world.”
Cole Sprouse - Jughead Jones

“-Saul: It’s Kunta Kinte and Ebola.
-Clarence: The famine and Blood Diamond.
-Morris: Nelson Mandela and Winnie.
-Customer: Those hungry babies with flies on their face.
-Clarence: Hey. Woh. Woh. Woh. Woh. That’s too much now. You just stepped over the line now. ”

“I find humor to be the most attractive characteristic, but I certainly won't cancel anything out, considering when you love someone you love someone, and sometimes you just can't explain it.”
Zoey Deutch

“Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts.”
Sarah Silverman

“There's such a unique humour in Wales that I just love and miss in Los Angeles.”
Matthew Rhys

“A comedian says funny things. A comic says things funny.”
Ed Wynn

“- Pat Candy: Jane Bodine.
- Jane: Pat.
- Pat Candy: So, what you're doing here? I thought you retired, or gave up or something.
- Jane: What happened to your hair?
- Pat Candy: So you still got a great sense of humor.”
Billy Bob Thornton - Pat Candy
Sandra Bullock - Jane

“Oooh, I love legends! Loch Ness, Bigfoot, Bon Jovi... all of 'em!”
Angela Trimbur - Tina

“- Fred Haymes: Why don´t you seat?
- Carol Aird: Why is it people think you take better bad news if you´re sitting down?”
Kevin Crowley - Fred Haymes
Cate Blanchett - Carol Aird

“- Ma: He's on the other side of this wall.
- Jack: What other side?
- Ma: Jack, there's two sides to everything.
- Jack: Not on an octagon.”

Brie Larson - Ma
Jacob Tremblay - Jack

“It's not too often that you rob a place and then you get welcomed back.”
Michael Peña - Luis

“Was your head shaped like an egg before she hit you?”
Dan Aykroyd - Dr. Keats

“- Les: So you got any New Yearresolutions, Princess Di?
- Diane: Yes.
- Les: What are they?
- Diane: To stop dating my dealer.
- Les: Now why would you do that? With me you get the whole package: sex and drugs.”
Ethan Hawke - Les
Emily Mortimer - Diane