“- Dudley Smith: For the love of God, don't be a detective. Stick to assignments where you don't have...
- Ed Exley: Dudley, I know you mean well, but I don't need to do it the way you did. Or my father.”

James Cromwell - Dudley Smith
Guy Pearce - Ed Exley

“- Lydia Hillard: It's your job to be our father.
- Daniel Hillard: No it's not a job, it's a joy being your father, I don't have to play the part of your father, I am your father, I may act like a fool, but I am your father, okay?”
Lisa Jakub - Lydia Hillard
Robin Williams - Daniel Hillard

“When I graduated first grade, all my dad did was tell me to get a job.”
Norm MacDonald - Frank

“My dad's a gynecologist. He looks at vaginas all day long.”
Miko Hughes - Joseph

“- Philly: If you're gonna get a new job, you're going to need a letter of reference, from my father.
- Mallow: Well, your father might not think I've been working long enough.
- Philly: I didn't mean for him to write it. But, I know what he'd say if he knew you as well as I do: she was passionate about her household duties.”
Eric Brown - Philly
Sylvia Kristel - Mallow