“Why even the Declaration of Independence only guaranties life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. It doesn't say anything about fair. Doesn't even say you have the right to be happy. Just to pursue it.”
Dolly Parton - Shirlee

“Shouldn't you be worried about your life, instead of that useless micropenis of yours?”
Chiaki Kuriyama - Takako Chigusa

- David Langley: Kevin, you know how sometimes you ask me questions that I can't answer.
- Kevin Langley: Yeah, like "What is an intrauterine device?".
- David Langley: I think more like "What's the meaning of life?".
- Kevin Langley: I never asked you that.
Peter MacNicol - David Langley
Andrew Lawrence - Kevin Langley

“Living alone has its compensations. Heaven knows it's marvelous being able to spread out in bed like a swastika.”

Lucile Watson - Mrs. Morehead

“The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish.”

Sir Charlie Chaplin - Hynkel - Dictator of Tomania