“A thinning gene pool is a terrible thing to witness. Ah, civilization's crowning achievement: the cocktail hour.”
Geraldine McEwan - Miss Scattergoods

“- Walter Fielding: Has this ever happened to you before?
- Jack Schnittman: Yes.
- Paramedic: Seven times in the past five months.
- Walter Fielding: I thought the jogging was getting you in better shape.
- Jack Schnittman: It is.
- Paramedic: Yeah thanks to the jogging I can lift him into the ambulance.”

Tom Hanks - Walter Fielding
Josh Mostel - Jack Schnittman
Wendell Pierce - Paramedic

“Keep cooking like that and I won't even be able to move, let alone do science.”

Larry Blamire - Dr. Paul Armstrong

“- Lara: You really think I'm skinny? Bulimic skinny or anorexic skinny?
- Lauren Hynde: What's the difference?
- Lara: Bulimic skinny passes for healthy, except your teeth rot. But my teeth aren't rotting, so...”
Shannyn Sossamon - Lauren Hynde
Jessica Biel - Lara

“- Lara: It's amazing how much weight you lose when you go off The Pill.
- Lauren Hynde: Which is nothing compared to the fifty pounds you gain when you get knocked up.”
Jessica Biel - Lara
Shannyn Sossamon - Lauren Hynde