“- Jim McAllister: There's one more thing about Tracy I think you should know.
- Dave Novotny: Her pussy gets so wet you can't believe it.”
Matthew Broderick - Jim McAllister
Mark Harelik - Dave Novotny

“- Rod Lane: I had a hard-on this morning when I woke up, Tina...had your name written all over it.
- Tina Gray: There's four letters in my name, Rod. How can there be enough room on your joint for four letters?”
Jsu Garcia - Rod Lane
Amanda Wyss - Tina Gray

“Is that a dagger in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”

Kristy McNichol - Mabel Stanley

“- Davey: Can I prance around with my morning erection?
- Whitey: If you do you'll want an automatic ejection cause that's a technical foul!
- Eleanor: But I would like to see it anyway!”
Adam Sandler - Davey
Adam Sandler - Whitey
Adam Sandler - Eleanore

“- Leonidas: Adjust your sword boy, it's digging into my back.
- Sonio: But I'm not wearing my sword.”
Sean Maguire - Leonidas
Travis Van Winkle - Sonio