“You know how when you meet someone and you think you like them? And then, the more you talk to them, you see parts that you don't like?”

Angela Bettis - May Dove Canady

“- Elvin Clyde: Who did you go as?
- Peter Appleton: A horny young man.”
Bob Balaban - Elvin Clyde
Jim Carrey - Peter Appleton

“- Dante Hicks: How many dicks have you sucked?
- Veronica Loughran: Let it go!
- Dante Hicks: How many?
- Veronica Loughran: All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked!
- Dante Hicks: This is different, this is important. How many?”
Brian O'Halloran - Dante Hicks
Marilyn Ghigliotti - Veronica

“- Betty: It's been awhile since we had a little cuddle.
- Yellowbeard: I raped ya, if that's what you mean.
- Betty: Okay. It was half-cuddle, half-rape.”
Madeline Kahn - Betty
Graham Arthur Chapman - Yellowbeard

“- Montel Gordon: I lost my virginity with a sophomore in high school.
- Ray Castro: That's cool.
- Montel Gordon: Yeah, sweet.
- Ray Castro: Did he treat you good?”
Don Cheadle - Montel Gordon
Luis Guzmán - Ray Castro