Jim Carrey quotes
“Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.”
“You know what the problem is with being the smartest person in the world? Everyone else seems stupid!”
“- Grinch: [shouts] Hello?
- Echo: Hello.
- Grinch: How are you?
- Echo: How are you?
- Grinch: I asked you first.
- Echo: I asked you first.
- Grinch: Oh right, that's really mature, saying exactly what I say.
- Echo: ...Saying exactly what I say.
- Grinch: I'm an idiot!
- Echo: You're an idiot!
- Grinch: [whispering] Alright, fine! I'm not...” (continue)(continue reading)
“We're all just cavemen, Trying to protect our little patch of land. Well now I've got a club, and I'm gonna take what I need.”
“- Greta: Mr. Reede, several years ago a friend of mine had a burglar on her roof, a burglar. He fell through the kitchen skylight, landed on a cutting board, on a butcher's knife, cutting his leg. The burglar sued my friend, he sued my friend. And because of guys like you he won. My friend had to pay the burglar $6,000. Is that justice?
-...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Vincent Cadby: And my work habits?
- Ace Ventura: Yes, a workaholic; the urine stain on your pants would signify that you're a single shake man, far too busy for the follow-up jiggle.”
“- Cop: You know why I pulled you over?
- Fletcher Reede: Depends on how long you were following me!
- Cop: Why don't we just take it from the top?
- Fletcher Reede: Here goes: I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Ace Ventura: Good to see someone who doesn't buckle under the pressure.
- Lois Einhorn: And what would you know about pressure?
- Ace Ventura: Well, I have... kissed a man.”
“- Fletcher Reede: Your honor, would the court be willing to grant me a short bathroom break?
- Judge Marshall Stevens: Can't it wait?
- Fletcher Reede: Yes it can. But I've heard that if you hold it you could damage the prostate gland, making it very difficult to get an erection, or even become aroused!
- Judge Marshall Stevens: Is that true?
-...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Ace Ventura: Don't kill me! Please! I'll never tell anyone, I swear... He's the one you want! Kill him!
- Dan Marino: No, kill him! He's the detective!
- Ace Ventura: No, kill him! He held the ball wrong, remember?! Come on, look at the guy!”
“I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through Your eyes.”
“- Lloyd Christmas: I feel like a schoolboy again. A schoolboy who desperately wants to make sweet, sweet love to you.
- Mary Swanson: I thought I heard you talking to someone.
- Lloyd Christmas: [now extremely nervous] Mary... I... I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy.”
“- Fletcher Reede: Oh, come on! Your honor, how can it be proved that the male voice on that tape is not Mr. Cole himself?
- Samantha Cole: [voice on tape] You are such a better lover than my husband!
- Fletcher Reede: Your honor, I object!
- Judge Marshall Stevens: And why is that, Mr. Reede?
- Fletcher Reede: It's devastating to my case!”
“Jury duty, jury duty, jury duty, black mail, pink slip, chain letter, eviction notice, jury duty.”
“You know, gingivitis is the number one cause of all tooth decay.”
“Here's the thing: I'm never wrong.”
“I'm the top banana in a world full of monkeys.”
“- Dr. Ivo Robotnik: Why would you throw your life away for this silly little alien?
- Tom Wachowski: He's my friend.”
And the avarice... the avarice never ends! "I want golf clubs. I want diamonds. I want a pony so I can ride it twice, get bored and sell it to make glue". Look, I don't wanna make waves, but this whole Christmas season is... stupid, stupid, stupid!
“- Lloyd Christmas: Harry, holy cow. I'm worried about you. You're as deaf as a bat.
- Harry Dunne: That's not exactly how it happened, Lloyd. Your mother got into bed with me.”
“One man's toxic sludge is another man's potpourri.
[his dog Max barks]
I don't know, it's some kind of soup.”