Jim Carrey quotes
“Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.”
“You know what the problem is with being the smartest person in the world? Everyone else seems stupid!”
“- Grinch: [shouts] Hello?
- Echo: Hello.
- Grinch: How are you?
- Echo: How are you?
- Grinch: I asked you first.
- Echo: I asked you first.
- Grinch: Oh right, that's really mature, saying exactly what I say.
- Echo: ...Saying exactly what I say.
- Grinch: I'm an idiot!
- Echo: You're an idiot!
- Grinch: [whispering] Alright, fine! I'm not...” (continue)(continue reading)
“We're all just cavemen, Trying to protect our little patch of land. Well now I've got a club, and I'm gonna take what I need.”
“- Vincent Cadby: And my work habits?
- Ace Ventura: Yes, a workaholic; the urine stain on your pants would signify that you're a single shake man, far too busy for the follow-up jiggle.”
“- Cop: You know why I pulled you over?
- Fletcher Reede: Depends on how long you were following me!
- Cop: Why don't we just take it from the top?
- Fletcher Reede: Here goes: I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Ace Ventura: Good to see someone who doesn't buckle under the pressure.
- Lois Einhorn: And what would you know about pressure?
- Ace Ventura: Well, I have... kissed a man.”
“You know, gingivitis is the number one cause of all tooth decay.”
“Here's the thing: I'm never wrong.”
“I'm the top banana in a world full of monkeys.”
“- Dr. Ivo Robotnik: Why would you throw your life away for this silly little alien?
- Tom Wachowski: He's my friend.”
And the avarice... the avarice never ends! "I want golf clubs. I want diamonds. I want a pony so I can ride it twice, get bored and sell it to make glue". Look, I don't wanna make waves, but this whole Christmas season is... stupid, stupid, stupid!
“- Lloyd Christmas: Harry, holy cow. I'm worried about you. You're as deaf as a bat.
- Harry Dunne: That's not exactly how it happened, Lloyd. Your mother got into bed with me.”
“One man's toxic sludge is another man's potpourri.
[his dog Max barks]
I don't know, it's some kind of soup.”
“- Adele Stanton: Do you remember me?
- Peter Appleton: No, but I'll sure try.”
“- Adele Stanton: He would've stood up to them.
- Peter Appleton: Yeah well, he's not here... to vouch for that, is he? We have to take your word for it! And forgive me but everybody's memory of Luke is a little rose-colored in this town. Besides, I'm not Luke. While he was liberating Europe, I was running the PX. He couldn't wait to save the...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Lynne Margulies: You just pretend to be an asshole.
- Andy Kaufman: It's what I'm good at.”
“- Riddler: You're ruining my big party! Are you insane?
- Two-Face: Just waiting for you to deliver the Batman, dear boy.
- Riddler: Patience, oh bifurcated one!
- Two-Face: Patience is hell! We want him dead!
- Riddler: Well, you could have let me in on the caper. We could have organized this, planned it... pre-sold the movie rights.”
“- Greta: Mr. Reede, several years ago a friend of mine had a burglar on her roof, a burglar. He fell through the kitchen skylight, landed on a cutting board, on a butcher's knife, cutting his leg. The burglar sued my friend, he sued my friend. And because of guys like you he won. My friend had to pay the burglar $6,000. Is that justice?
-...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Fletcher Reede: I was hoping after being married to me you'd have no more strength left.
- Audrey Reede: Well, you have to remember that when we were married, I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were.”