“- Theresa Burnett: Hey hey. Don't you go telling my boys none of your sleazy sex stories.
- Mike Lowrey: Aw, no. I only tell your husband my sleazy sex stories.
- Marcus Burnett: Hey.
- Theresa Burnett: Well, I don't want him hearing either. Gives him ideas.”
Theresa Randle - Theresa Burnett
Will Smith - Mike Lowrey
Martin Lawrence - Marcus Burnett

“- Kathy: You guys are brothers?
- Mitch Weaver: Well, it's a long story.
- Sam McKenna: My dad boned his mom.
- Mitch Weaver: Okay, it's a short story.”
Traylor Howard - Kathy
Norm MacDonald - Mitch Weaver
Artie Lange - Sam McKenna

“Juan Castillo... went to jail... for having sex with a goat. Ok? We lived on a farm! And I got lonely! We were just a couple of crazy kids!”
Steve Lemme - Juan

“Those men wanted to have sex with me!”

Dan Aykroyd - Louis Winthorpe III

“Dude, it's not big deal if you like to fuck guys. I'm cool, I got friends who fuck guys… in jail.”
Romany Malco - Jay