“The 40-Year-Old Virgin” quotes(2005)
Plot – Andy Stitzer has a good job, good friends, a comfortable house and a substantial collection of superhero comics and puppets. Everything in his life seems perfect, except the fact that Andy is 40 and he's still a virgin. His friends decide that it's time for him to experience love and try to help him. When Andy begins dating Trish, a beautiful woman of his same age, they persuade themselves that the right moment is arrived, but they are unaware that the couple has set the relationship on a basic rule: no sex.
All actors – Steve Carell, Catherine Keener, Paul Rudd, Romany Malco, Seth Rogen, Elizabeth Banks, Leslie Mann, Jane Lynch, Gerry Bednob, Shelley Malil, Kat Dennings, Jordan Masterson, Chelsea Smith, Jonah Hill, Erica Vittina Phillips, Marika Dominczyk, Mindy Kaling, Mo Collins, Gillian Vigman, Kimberly Page, Siena Goines, Charlie Hartsock, Nancy Carell, Cedric Yarbrough, David Koechner, Jeff Kahn, Nick Lashaway, Loren Berman, Julian Foster, Loudon Wainwright III, Lee Weaver, Gloria Helena Jones, Jazzmun, Miki Mia, Denise Meyerson, Shannon Bradley, Brianna Brown, Liz Carey, Elizabeth DeCicco, Hilary Shepard, Barret Swatek, Carla Gallo, Michael Bierman, Marisa Guterman, Stormy Daniels, Kevin Hart, Wayne Federman, Ron Marasco, Joseph T. Mastrolia, Kate Luyben, Joe Nunez, Matt McKane, Rose Abdoo, Steve Bannos, Brooke Hamlin, Miyoko Shimosawa, Marilyn Dodds Frank, Laura Bottrell, Ann Christine, Penny Drake, Jenna Fischer, Mandy Freund, Nicole Randall Johnson, Brandon Killham, Stephanie Lemelin, Jamie Elle Mann, Sarah McCann, Acacia Morgan, Suzy Nakamura, Brittney Skye, Phyllis Smith, Wyatt Smith, Kira Turnage, Christa Nicole Wells, Christopher T. Woodshow all
“The 40-Year-Old Virgin” Quotes 26 quotes
“You know what? I respect women! I love women! I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them!”
“- Health Clinic Counselor: Now, there are ways of having sex without intercourse. Let's see, there are things like body rubbing or dry humping.
- Andy: You could dry hump.
- Health Clinic Counselor: There's masturbation.
- Andy: Masturbation. Play with yourself.
- Health Clinic Counselor: Mutual masturbation.
- Andy: Play with a friend.”
“- Paula: Andy. Have you ever heard of the term... 'Fuck Buddy'?
- Andy: No... what's that?
- Paula: Well, it's a special... friend... who you fuck.”
You are gonna be so bad at sex the first time that you don't wanna have sex with someone you like, 'cause they'll think you're a weirdo for being so lame at it. So you wanna have sex with "hood rats" so that by the time you get to a girl that you do like, you won't be terrible at sex, you'll be mediocre at it. [pause] Probably still pretty bad,... (continue)(continue reading)
“Dude, it's not big deal if you like to fuck guys. I'm cool, I got friends who fuck guys… in jail.”
“- David: You know how I know you're gay?
- Cal: How?
- David: You like Coldplay.”
“- Mooj: Life is about people. It's about connections.
- Andy: It's all about connections.
- Mooj: It's not about cocks, and ass, and tits.
- Andy: Yeah.
- Mooj: And butthole pleasures.”
“I love your sweater. Does that come in a V-neck?”
“I gotta tell you something. I'm really excited about it. Uh, for the first time today, I woke up, I came to the store, and I feel confident to say to you that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD that you've been playing for two years straight off, I'm going to kill everyone in the store and put a bullet in my brain.”
“- Mooj: It's okay not to have sex. Not eveybody's a pussy magnet. You, uh, what are you, 25?
- Andy: I'm 40.
- Mooj: Holy shit, man, you got to get on that!”
I just want you to know this is, like, the first conversation of, like, three conversations that leads to you being gay. Like, there's this and then in a year it's like: "oh, you know, I'm kinda gonna want to get back out there, but I think I like guys", and then there's the big "oh, I'm... I'm... I'm a gay guy now".
We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know? And we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to a show. Everybody says "you gotta check out one of these shows". And... it's a woman fuckin' a horse. We get there and we think it's gonna be awesome and... it is not as cool as it sounds like it's gonna be. It's kinda gross.
“So, tell me, Montel. Why weren't we invited to the party? What are we, Al Qaeda?”
“- Andy: You know how when you grab a woman's breast... it feels like... a bag of sand.
- David: What?”
- Cal: The problem most men have is they don't know how to talk to women.
- Andy: You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. What am I supposed to say? I went to magic camp? That I'm an accomplished ventriloquist? Oh, I am the Seventh Degree Imperial Yo-Yo Master. "Ooh, do me, Yo-Yo Master, I want you to do me cause you're the yo-yo guy!".
“- Beth: We could do it in the... butt, if you want.
- Andy: But if I want what?
- Beth: You know... butt!
- Andy: But... what?”