“Five o'clock Christmas morning, I run downstairs and look under the tree and what do I find? Uncle Alfresco, dead on the floor, shot through the back of the head. Plus no bicycle. It was a disappointing Christmas on many levels.”
Steve Martin - Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli

“Howard, I'm of the mind set you can never do too much to make a child's Christmas magical.”
Phil Hartman - Ted Maltin

“We're not just doing this for us. We're doing it for the kids. For every kid who ever sat on Santa's lap. For every little girl who left cookies and milk for Santa on Christmas night. For every little boy who opens a package Christmas morning and finds clothes instead of toys. It breaks my heart.”
Jim Belushi - Mall Santa

“If promises were crackers, my daughter would be fat.”
Elya Baskin - Mr. Ditkovich

“- Agnes Smith: Rose, what did you get me for Christmas?
- Rose Smith: You'll find out tomorrow.
- Agnes Smith: I hope it's a hunting knife!”
Joan Carroll - Agnes Smith
Lucille Bremer - Rose Smith