Steve Martin quotes
“All dames are alike: they reach down your throat so they can grab your heart, pull it out and they throw it on the floor, and they step on it with their high heels, they spit on it, shove it in the oven and they cook the shit out of it. Then they slice it into little pieces, slam it on a hunk of toast, and they serve it to you. And they expect...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Lucky Day: Dusty, how do you like your bat?
- Dusty Bottoms: Medium rare.”
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: There it is, darling. Your new home. The House of Hfuhruhurr.
- Dolores: What are those assholes doing on the porch?
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Those aren't assholes. It's pronounced "azaleas".
“You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? Me neither.”
- Anne Uumellmahaye: Michael, you do so much for me, and I do nothing for you.
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Are you out of your head? Sorry, I forgot. As far as I'm concerned, you're the most complete woman I've ever known. All my life, I wanted women with great bodies, women who were "Tens". Now, for the first time, I'm aroused by a mind.
“- Grandma: You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.
- Gil: Oh?
- Grandma: Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride!
- Gil: What a great story.
- Grandma: I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all...” (continue)(continue reading)
“A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true.”
“Why is it that we don't always recognize the moment when love begins but we always know when it ends?”
“- Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: You have something against books?
- Hannah Stubbs: I have nothing about books! I am curious about the books in your trunk.
- Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: You see, I was thinking of writing my story, so I bought this one on how to do it.
- Hannah Stubbs: Why do you need 25 copies of it?
- Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli:...” (continue)(continue reading)
“Wow! You're a genius. You're like the Ernest Hemingway of bullshit.”
“- Miss Piggy: You mad, impetuous thing, it's champagne!
- Insolent Waiter: Not exactly. Sparkling Muscatel, one of the finest wines of Idaho.”
- Neal Page: Let me close this conversation by saying that you are one unique individual.
- Del Griffith: Unique... what's that, Latin for "asshole"?
“Oh, Lawrence! This is the happiest day of my life! I think my testicles are dropping!”
“I am in orbit around you, I am suspended weightless over you like the blue man in the Chagall, hanging over you in a delirious kiss.”
“- Dr. Brandon: Dr. Beckerman was murdered in Europe - you know that.
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Exactly. Not only is he dead, he's six thousand miles away.”
“When you're reaching for a star, there's a long way to fall.”
“Nothing's gonna make it go away, until someone changes something, which is not going to happen. I can't pretend it isn't there because that it is a lie, and when art lies, it becomes worthless.”
“The shoes, right? The shoes are tragic!”
“- Nicole: Would you like me to stay behind and help you?
- Clouseau: That is a generous offer, Nicole. But I am quite sensitive to office gender politics. And in today's world, the slightest gesture can be misinterpreted as harrasment. And it is late, and I would prefer not to put you or me into that delicate situation.”