Steve Martin movie quotes

“I believe sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”
Steve Martin

“Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.”
Steve Martin

“Five o'clock Christmas morning, I run downstairs and look under the tree and what do I find? Uncle Alfresco, dead on the floor, shot through the back of the head. Plus no bicycle. It was a disappointing Christmas on many levels.”
Steve Martin - Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli

“All dames are alike: they reach down your throat so they can grab your heart, pull it out and they throw it on the floor, and they step on it with their high heels, they spit on it, shove it in the oven and they cook the shit out of it. Then they slice it into little pieces, slam it on a hunk of toast, and they serve it to you. And they expect...” (continue)(continue reading)
Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon

- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: There it is, darling. Your new home. The House of Hfuhruhurr.
- Dolores: What are those assholes doing on the porch?
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Those aren't assholes. It's pronounced "azaleas".

Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
Kathleen Turner - Dolores Benedict

“You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? Me neither.”
Steve Martin

- Anne Uumellmahaye: Michael, you do so much for me, and I do nothing for you.
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Are you out of your head? Sorry, I forgot. As far as I'm concerned, you're the most complete woman I've ever known. All my life, I wanted women with great bodies, women who were "Tens". Now, for the first time, I'm aroused by a mind.
Sissy Spacek - Anne Uumellmahaye
Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr

“- Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: You have something against books?
- Hannah Stubbs: I have nothing about books! I am curious about the books in your trunk.
- Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: You see, I was thinking of writing my story, so I bought this one on how to do it.
- Hannah Stubbs: Why do you need 25 copies of it?
- Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli:...” (continue)(continue reading)

Steve Martin - Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli
Joan Cusack - Hannah Stubbs

“Wow! You're a genius. You're like the Ernest Hemingway of bullshit.”
Steve Martin - Davis

“The most exciting game on the midway! Imagine the thrill of getting your weight guessed by a professional! You can blow up your cheeks, you can stick out your chest, but you're not going to fool the guesser.”
Steve Martin - Navin

“- Miss Piggy: You mad, impetuous thing, it's champagne!
- Insolent Waiter: Not exactly. Sparkling Muscatel, one of the finest wines of Idaho.”
Frank Oz - Miss Piggy
Steve Martin - Insolent Waiter

- Neal Page: Let me close this conversation by saying that you are one unique individual.
- Del Griffith: Unique... what's that, Latin for "asshole"?
Steve Martin - Neal Page
John Candy - Del Griffith

“Oh, Lawrence! This is the happiest day of my life! I think my testicles are dropping!”
Steve Martin - Freddy Benson

“I am in orbit around you, I am suspended weightless over you like the blue man in the Chagall, hanging over you in a delirious kiss.”

Steve Martin - C. D. Bales

“- Dr. Brandon: Dr. Beckerman was murdered in Europe - you know that.
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Exactly. Not only is he dead, he's six thousand miles away.”
Peter Hobbs - Dr. Brandon
Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr

“- Lucky Day: Dusty, how do you like your bat?
- Dusty Bottoms: Medium rare.”

Steve Martin - Lucky Day
Chevy Chase - Dusty Bottoms

“When you're reaching for a star, there's a long way to fall.”
Steve Martin - C. D. Bales

“Never, in my wildest imagination, I ever thought it could be like that. That was the most exciting sexualencounter - without actually having it - that I ever, almost had.”

Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr

“Nothing's gonna make it go away, until someone changes something, which is not going to happen. I can't pretend it isn't there because that it is a lie, and when art lies, it becomes worthless.”

Steve Martin - Davis

“The shoes, right? The shoes are tragic!”

Steve Martin - Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli

“- Bizu: It's an idiom!
- Clouseau: You, sir, are the idiom.”
William Abadie - Bizu
Steve Martin - Clouseau

“- Nicole: Would you like me to stay behind and help you?
- Clouseau: That is a generous offer, Nicole. But I am quite sensitive to office gender politics. And in today's world, the slightest gesture can be misinterpreted as harrasment. And it is late, and I would prefer not to put you or me into that delicate situation.”
Emily Mortimer - Nicole
Steve Martin - Clouseau

- Dixie: So, why don't you ask her out?
- C.D. Bales: Sometimes I take a walk at night and I see couples walking, holding hands and I look at them and I think: "Why not me?". Then I catch my shadow on the wall...

Shelley Duvall - Dixie
Steve Martin - C. D. Bales

- Peter Sanderson: I message for you. Howie says “The cool points are out the window and you got me all twisted up in the game”.
- Charlene Morton: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Steve Martin - Peter Sanderson
Queen Latifah - Charlene Morton

“- Larry: I just wanted to meet anybody.
- Bride: I know. It can be rough. Did you try a fern?
- Larry: Yeah.
- Bride: Did you try a dog?
- Larry: Yeah, but they don't seem to really help that much.”
Steve Martin - Larry
Sarah Abrell - Bride