“- Hercules: When I was a kid, I would have given anything to be exactly like everybody else.
- Meg: You wanted to be petty and dishonest?”
Tate Donovan - Hercules
Susan Egan - Meg

“- K.C. Downing: Do you think there are funny people and not-funny people?
- Benjy Stone: Yes. Definitely. On the funny side there are the Marx Brothers, except Zeppo; the Ritz Brothers, no exceptions; both Laurel and Hardy; and Woody Woodpecker. On the unfunny side there's anybody who has ever played the accordion professionally.”
Jessica Harper - K.C. Downing
Mark Linn-Baker - Benjy Stone

“- Cole Trickle: This son of a bitch just slammed into me.
- Harry Hogge: No, no, he didn't slam you, he didn't bump you, he didn't nudge you... he rubbed you. And rubbing, son, is racing.”
Tom Cruise - Cole Trickle
Robert Duvall - Harry Hogge

“Don't take it personal kid. I fuck with everybody.”

Gary Leonard Oldman - O.W. Grant

“What kinda lawyer don't know how to lie? Lie and lawyer go together lie-awyer... lie-awyer!”
Tyler Perry - Mable 'Madea' Simmons