“Ladies and Gentlemen. I guess that takes in most of you. This is the opening of a new opera season, a season made possible by the generous checks of Mrs. Claypool.”
Groucho Marx - Otis B. Driftwood

“Any man can give love where he's sure of its return. That isn't love at all. But, to give love with no merit, no thought of return, no thought of gratitude even, that's ordinarily the privilege of God.”

Barbara Stanwyck - Megan

“I must congratulate you on your virtuoso performance, my boy. Centauri is impressed. I've seen them come, and I've seen them go, but you're the best, my boy. Dazzling! Light years ahead of the competition! Centauri's got a little proposition for you. Are ya interested?”

Robert Preston - Centauri

“I'll tell you this: the only performance that makes it, that really makes it, that makes it all the way, is the one that achieves madness. Right? Am I right? You with me?”
Mick Jagger - Turner

“- Rudy Zolteck: How'd I do, coach?
- Kevin O'Shea: I don't know son. I don't have a sundial.”

Michael Zwiener - Rudy Zolteck
Ed O'Neill - Kevin O'Shea