“Indiana Jones, this is one night you'll never forget. This is the night I slipped right through your fingers. Sleep tight and pleasant dreams. I could've been your greatest adventure.”
Kate Capshaw - Willie Scott

“- Mrs. Sorensen: Did you ever try being married? That can be quite a big adventure.
- Capt. Andersen: Why do women always say that? Marriage ends adventure.”
Valerie Hobson - Mrs. Sorensen
Conrad Veidt - Capt. Andersen

- Jeff Dunham: Walter, what exactly is marriage to you?
- Walter: It's like drinking a slurpy.
- Jeff Dunham: A slurpy.
- Walter: First couple of sips, it's like "boy this is really good! I'm glad I did this!". Then you keep drinking, it goes right to your head, and you go "ow, ow, ooooow! What the hell was I thinking? Someone kill me please!".
Jeff Dunham - Himself
Jeff Dunham - Walter

“Does he think he just did something here? Shit. I could have had a V-8.”
Lela Rochon - Robin Stokes

“- Barnaby: Do you regret not having married him?
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Look who's talking! What about Elvira Bliss?
- Barnaby: Oh, for heaven's sake. Elvira Bliss. That was in grammar school.
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: I know. She was the teacher.”
Cary Grant - Dr. Barnaby Fulton
Ginger Rogers - Mrs. Edwina Fulton