“- Lloyd Christmas: I feel like a schoolboy again. A schoolboy who desperately wants to make sweet, sweet love to you.
- Mary Swanson: I thought I heard you talking to someone.
- Lloyd Christmas: [now extremely nervous] Mary... I... I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy.”

Jim Carrey - Lloyd Christmas
Lauren Holly - Mary Swanson

“- Victor Velasco: I work at home during the day. Oh, I predict some interesting complications... am I making you nervous?
- Corie Bratter: Very nervous.
- Victor Velasco: Wonderful! Once a month I try to make pretty young girlsnervous, just to keep my hand in!”
Charles Boyer - Victor Velasco
Jane Seymour Fonda - Corie Bratter

- Day-Day: I got the "BGs".
- Craig Jones: What's the "BGs"?
- Day-Day: The bubble guts, I'm nervous and I'm bout to shit on my self.
Mike Epps - Day-Day
Ice Cube - Craig Jones

“Everybody just stay calm. The situation is under control.”
Michael Biehn - Lt. Coffey

“- Regina Belmont: What are you going to do when your complexion freaks out? Dermatologist is dead, you know?
- Samantha Belmont: I know, and I'm getting a rash or something too.
- Regina Belmont: Oh, God! You and your rashes!
- Samantha Belmont: Hey, I'm sorry if the end of the world makes me a little nervous.”
Catherine Mary Stewart - Regina Belmont
Kelli Maroney - Samantha Belmont