“I saw a gay porno once. I didn't know until halfway in. The girls never came.”
Scott Mechlowicz - Scott Thomas

“- Screen Voice #1: Look! An alien!
- Screen Voice #2: Yeah. We'd better have sex with each other.
[Sam McKenna discreetly looks at the screen]
- Mitch Weaver: Note to self: Sam just looked at the screen.”

Norm MacDonald - Mitch Weaver

“- Alex: So, ladies, I kind of need to use the televis...
- Grace: Shh! Go read your Playgirl or something!”
Allen Covert - Alex
Shirley Jones - Grace

“- Heck: It's porn, right? It's degrading. It's offensive.
- Rachel: God yes.
- Heck: Yeah. Let's watch it anyway.”
Matthew Goode - Heck
Piper Perabo - Rachel

“- Carter: We need to get her to relax.
- Lee: Maybe we should put on a dirty movie. Only $9.95.”

Chris Tucker - Carter
Jackie Chan - Lee