“- John Merchant: For God's sake!
- Pinhead: Do I look like someone who cares what God thinks?”
Bruce Ramsay - John Merchant
Doug Bradley - Pinhead

“- Debbie: If you want, I'll show you me fanny.
- Billy: Nah, I'm all right.”
Nicola Blackwell - Debbie
Jamie Bell - Billy

“- April Stool: I'm fucking the gardener.
- Lloyd Stool: I hate you.
- April Stool: I don't care.”
Andrea Martin - April Stool
Buck Henry - Lloyd Stool

“In London, nobody comments on what you wear.”
Steven Berkoff

“- Gail Stanwyck: She looks like a hooker. Look at her. Look at her! Could you love someone who looked like that?
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: What are you talking about? Of course not! Five, ten minutes tops, maybe.”
Dana Wheeler-Nicholson - Gail Stanwyk
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher