“- Anna Coleman: I'm old!
- Tess Coleman: I beg your pardon!
- Anna Coleman: I'm like the Cryptkeeper!”

Lindsay Lohan - Anna Coleman
Jamie Lee Curtis - Tess Coleman

“- Rosie: Excuse me! Coming through! I have a senior citizen with me. Thank you. My mother needs a perch.
- Tanya: Mother? We're the same age!
- Rosie: Yeah. Well, parts of us are.”
Christine Baranski - Rosie
Julie Walters - Tanya

“Policeman's bodies age at different rates. Look at me... I got a belly in its 50's, my balls are in their 60's and my feet are in their 80's.”
Lance Henriksen - Freddy Ross

“- Eddie Bartlett: He can't be more than fifteen.
- George Hally: He'll never be sixteen.”

James Cagney - Eddie Bartlett
Humphrey Bogart - George Hally

“Me, I'm mentally retarded. I'm still 11-years-old when it comes to the 4th of July, circuses and haunted castles.”
Bob Hope - Larry Lawrence