“- Howard Brackett: He's just never had a physical relationship with her.
- Father Tim: Never? In three years?
- Howard Brackett: He respects her.
- Father Tim: He's gay!”

Kevin Kline - Howard Brackett
Joseph Maher - Father Tim

“I'm surprised she didn't give up the sausage and become a vagina-tarian.”
Richard Jenkins - Walter Wingfield

- Owen: Wally wants to go to bed with you.
- Margaret: Nobody fucks at the club, everybody's gay! It's you that thinks about fucking all the time.
- Owen: Your vocabulary is punctuated by two words: "shit" and "fuck".
Bob Brady - Owen
Anne Carlisle - Margaret

“Are you kidding me? We conduct a nationwide manhunt for you and you're boning the suspect? Did you think this was a joke?”
Holland Taylor - Mrs. Petrie

"Let's divert federal resources and man hours so I can have my collegiate lesbian fling in style".