Holland Taylor quotes
“I've always had a hunger for realizing myself through my career.”
“Evelyn Harper-Charlie was a planned baby.
Alan Harper-What was I?
Evelyn Harper-Well, dear, you were a pitcher of margaritas and a gas station condom.
“Walden Schmidt-Can we get one of those fancy Japanese toilets that sprays water and sprays your tooshie.
Evelyn Harper-With your money you can find an actual Japanese person to do it
“Children are God’s little way of punishing us for having sex.”
“I think God gives us children so death won’t come as such a disappointment.”
“Confession may be good for the soul, but for marriage, it’s a hot, lead enema.”
“Spending time with one’s children is greatly overrated.”
“- Beatrice Stanhope: We haven't been friends for very long, George, but I already think I know something about you. You are in love with my daughter.
- George: Oh, Miss Ursula not so dumb.”
- Mrs. Petrie: Amy, I think you identify with Lucy Diamond. I think she sees your pathos. You've got some dangerous union symbiosis going on. What's that movie with Jodie? And the little dog falls in the well with the lotion?
- Madeline: "Silence of the lambs".
- Mrs. Petrie: You're the lamb, Amy.
“If I'd known you were coming, I'd have sent you an invitation.”
“It took a long time to get to the place in my career where I could pick and choose what I wanted to do.”
“Most of the men who tease me about my hair, don't have any.”
“Are you kidding me? We conduct a nationwide manhunt for you and you're boning the suspect? Did you think this was a joke?”
“You and Ursula together would be unbefitting to her social stature, you see? Let me put it in the way you might understand. Where you come from, zebras marry zebras and leopards marry leopards. Stripes for stripes. Spots for spots. Ursula is a stripe and you are a spot. One which I intend to have removed as soon as possible.”
- Beatrice Stanhope: Arthur, I wish you would do something about all these monkeys. I feel like Jane Goodall.
- An Ape Named "Ape": Madam, I knew Jane Goodall and you are no Jane Goodall.
“- George: That hurt.
- Beatrice Stanhope: Not as much as you will if you do anything to screw up my daughter's marriage to Lyle Van de Groot.”
Literary functions are not exactly Jack's speed. I mean, the guy's favorite author is the man who wrote "pull tab to open".
“- Truman Burbank: It was Dad. I swear! Dressed like a homeless man. And you know what else was strange? A business man and a woman with a little dog came out of nowhere and forced him onto a bus.
- Truman's Mother: Well! It's about time they cleaned up the trash downtown before we become just like the rest of the country.”
“- Arthur Stanhope: Beatrice, this is supposed to be her wedding, not yours. I know you're upset, and so am I, but we can't force her to marry someone against her will.
- Beatrice Stanhope: Why not?
- Ursula Stanhope: Mom, dad, I'm ready to go out there and apologize to everybody and tell them what really happened.”
- Ursula Stanhope: Did you just say "love"?
- Beatrice Stanhope: No...
- Ursula Stanhope: You did. You're right.
- Beatrice Stanhope: Ursula... don't say it.
- Ursula Stanhope: I love him! I'm out of here.
- Beatrice Stanhope: Ursula! You can't love him!
“- George: So you no want Ursula to love George?
- Beatrice Stanhope: I'd rather have my tongue nailed to this table every morning at breakfast.”
“- Joan: Romance just doesn't seem real to me anymore.
- Gloria: Real? You don't write real, you write about people that sail off into the god damn sunset.
- Joan: Well, what about the next day, when the sun comes up?
- Gloria: There is no next day! That's why it's a romance. You've got to stop confusing real life with a romantic novel!”