- Victoria Grant: If all goes well, I expect to leave here poor, but sated. I have a... a bug in my purse. At the appropriate moment, it goes in my salad.
- Carole "Toddy" Todd: It'll never work.
- Victoria Grant: A bug in my salad?
- Carole "Toddy" Todd: In a place like this, it would be an event if there wasn't a bug in your salad.
Julie Andrews - Victoria Grant
Robert Preston - Carole "Toddy" Todd

“- Real Toby: I think one might be lime. One might be like mint.
- Real Harvey: You can tell that by just looking at them?
- Real Toby: Not me. I have to put it in my mouth first.”

Toby Radloff - Real Toby
Harvey Pekar - Real Harvey

“If a pretzel is a quality pretzel, it doesn't need salt. It's just a fact.”
Christopher Walken - J-Man

“I don't see how pork chops could lead to intercourse, no matter how good they are.”
Ian Michael Smith - Simon Birch

“I love a woman who eats raw meat.”
Gene Hackman - William B. Tensy