“- Ron: What about our weekend in the Catskills? I've already paid for the room!
- Ruby: Well, then you can go there and you can jerk off. Cause that's what you are - a real fuckin' jerk off!”
Joseph Lyle Taylor - Ron
Jennifer Esposito - Ruby

“- Rick: Hey when are you going to stop calling me Barny?
- Turtle: When you're not a Barny anymore, Barny.”
Matt Adler - Rick
John Philbin - Turtle

“- Turtle: Stay loose, Haole.
- Rick: What's a Haole?
- Turtle: A tourist, a mainlander, like you.
- Rick: I'm not a tourist.
- Turtle: Whatever, Barney.
- Rick: What's a Barney?
- Turtle: It's like Barno... Barnyard... a haole to the max, a kook in and out of the water. Yeah?”
John Philbin - Turtle
Matt Adler - Rick

“- Mission Commander Swanbeck: Mr. Hunt, the next time you go on holiday, please be good enough to let us know where you're going. This message will self-destruct in five seconds.
- Ethan Hunt: If I let you know where I'm going, then I won't be on holiday.”
Philip Anthony Hopkins - Mission Commander Swanbeck
Tom Cruise - Ethan Hunt

“It says here the retail industry does 50% of its business between December 1st and December 25th. That's half a year's business in one month's time. It seems to me, an intelligent country would legislate a second such gift giving holiday. Create, say, a Christmas 2, late May, early June, to further stimulate growth.”
Danny Trejo - Jumpy