“Last time I smoked that stuff, they found me on top of the Sears Tower trying to build a nest.”

Robin Williams - Jack Moniker

“If we'd made love last night I'd have to stay. Or you'd have to leave.”
Harrison Ford - John Book

“- Baxter: How can we maintain decorum if our spiritual leader is trying to put his hand up Miss Cascara's skirt?
- Dolores: You prefer he put his hand up my skirt?
- Baxter: At least you're used to it. You won't scream.”
Sir Michael Caine - Baxter
Brenda Vaccaro - Dolores

“- Officer Frank Murphy: Finally made Colonel?
- Col. F.E. Cochrane: If you're a nice guy, nice things happen to you.
- Officer Frank Murphy: I'll try to remember that!”
Roy Scheider - Officer Frank Murphy
Malcom McDowell - Col. F.E. Cochrane

“- Mort: She's cute how could I meet her?
- Eli: By getting into an actual conversation with her, not by having an objective of trying to hit on her or pick her up, but just go around, behave nicely, talk to her, show an interest in her, if you genuinely have one, and behave normally.”
Martin Harvey Friedberg - Mort
Michael Emil - Eli