“- Elvis: Is there an amusement park on this island?
- Jesse: No, there's a whale spotting station.
- Elvis: Is that where they paint spots on the whales?
- Jesse: Yeah.”
Francis Capra - Elvis
Jason James Richter - Jesse

“- Alyssa Jones: So, for you, to fuck is to penetrate. You're used to the more traditional definition. You inside some girl you duped, jackhammering away, not noticing that bored look in her eyes.
- Banky Edwards: Hey, I always notice that bored look in their eyes, alright?”
Joey Lauren Adams - Alyssa Jones
Jason Lee - Banky Edwards

“Juan Castillo... went to jail... for having sex with a goat. Ok? We lived on a farm! And I got lonely! We were just a couple of crazy kids!”
Steve Lemme - Juan

“- Dr. Necessiter: As you know, my research has advanced to a point where I can put her mind into the body of a gorilla.
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: I couldn't fuck a gorilla.”

David Warner - Dr. Alfred Necessiter
Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr

“Bear... bearfucker, do you need assistance?”

Michael Weaver - Local Officer Smy