“The Man with Two Brains” quotes

(1983)
Movie The Man with Two Brains
Carl Reiner directed this movie in 1983
Title The Man with Two Brains
Year 1983
Director Carl Reiner
Genre Sci-Fi, Comedy, Romance
Plot – Dr. Michel Hfuhruhurr is a piooner of brain surgery. He is a widower and he is seduced by the beautiful Dolores, who convinces him to marry her. During an international meeting of medicine, Hfuhruhurr meets the extravagant Dr. Necessiter, who secretly keeps a collection of “living” human brains in his laboratory. Hfuhruhurr finds out to be particularly attracted to one of those brains.
All actors – Steve Martin, Kathleen Turner, David Warner, Paul Benedict, Richard Brestoff, James Cromwell, George Furth, Peter Hobbs, Earl Boen, Bernie Hern, Francis X. McCarthy, William Traylor, Randi Brooks, Bernard Behrens, Russell Orozco, Natividad Vacío, David Byrd, Adrian Ricard, Sparky Marcus, Perla Walter, Mya Stark, Don McLeod, Peter Elbling, Kate Sarchet, Wendy Sherman, Warwick Sims, Breck Costin, Tom Spratley, Estelle Reiner, Art Holliday, Jeffrey Combs, Jenny Gago, Elma V. Jackson, Oceana Marr, John Easton Stuart, Haunani Minn, Mel Gold, Stepfanie Kramer, George Fisher, Merv Griffin, Sissy Spacek
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  • - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: There it is, darling. Your new home. The House of Hfuhruhurr.
    - Dolores: What are those assholes doing on the porch?
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Those aren't assholes. It's pronounced "azaleas".

    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
    Kathleen Turner - Dolores Benedict
  • - Anne Uumellmahaye: Michael, you do so much for me, and I do nothing for you.
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Are you out of your head? Sorry, I forgot. As far as I'm concerned, you're the most complete woman I've ever known. All my life, I wanted women with great bodies, women who were "Tens". Now, for the first time, I'm aroused by a mind.

    Sissy Spacek - Anne Uumellmahaye
    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
  • “- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: I can't inject you with window cleaner.
    - Fran: I don't mind. Hey, what does it do anyway?
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: It causes your brain to die last.
    - Fran: I don't mind.”

    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
    Randi Brooks - Fran
    [Tag:death, risk]
  • “- Dr. Brandon: Dr. Beckerman was murdered in Europe - you know that.
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Exactly. Not only is he dead, he's six thousand miles away.”

    Peter Hobbs - Dr. Brandon
    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
    [Tag:distance, murder]
  • “Never, in my wildest imagination, I ever thought it could be like that. That was the most exciting sexualencounter - without actually having it - that I ever, almost had.”

    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
    [Tag:excitement, sex]
  • I've always just loved to kill. I really enjoyed it. But then I got famous, and - it's just too hard for me. And so many witnesses. I mean, everybody recognized me. I couldn't even lurk anymore. I'd hear, "Who's that lurking over there? Isn't that Merv Griffin?". So I came to Europe to kill. And it's really worked out very well for me.
    Merv Griffin - Himself - The Elevator Killer
    [Tag:fame, killing]
  • “Cover her breasts. I'm a man, flesh and blood.”

    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
  • “I get so excited when you get angry. It makes me feel so much closer to the reading of the will.”

    Kathleen Turner - Dolores Benedict
    [Tag:anger, excitement]
  • “- Dolores: If you lay one finger on me, I'll kill you.
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again.
    - Dolores: Nobody's going to keep me from working in this town.”

    Kathleen Turner - Dolores Benedict
    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
    [Tag:killing, working]
  • - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: What are they saying?
    - Dr. Conrad: They are just saying "murmur, murmur, murmur".
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: You mean it's just sort of a general murmur?
    - Dr. Conrad: Yeah. Murmur.
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Oh.

    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
    Earl Boen - Dr. Felix Conrad
    [Tag:noise, talking]
  • “- Little Girl: Sounds like a subdural hematoma to me.
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Oh, it does, does it? Well, it's not your job to diagnose.
    - Little Girl: But I thought...
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: You thought, you thought. Just go. Three years of nursery school and you think you know it all. Well, you're still wet behind the ears. It's not a...” (continue)
    (continue reading)
    Mya Stark - Little Girl
    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
    [Tag:health, knowledge]
  • “- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: The only time we doctors should accept death is when it's caused by our own incompetence.
    - Dr. Necessiter: Nonsense. If the murder of twelve innocent people can help save one human life, it will have been worth it.”

    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
    David Warner - Dr. Alfred Necessiter
    [Tag:death, doctors, rescue]
  • “- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Dolores, I am making a citizen's divorce.
    - Dolores: What?
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: By the powers vested in me, I hereby declare our marriage null and void! E pluribus unum!”

    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
    Kathleen Turner - Dolores Benedict
    [Tag:divorce]
  • “The operations seems to be a success. But the doctor died.”
    David Warner - Dr. Alfred Necessiter
  • “- Inspector: You are playing God.
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Somebody has to.”

    William Traylor - Inspector
    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
  • “- Olsen: I appreciate you letting me observe that brain operation today.
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: It would have been more complicated if it had needed one, but since you wanted to observe my technique...”

    Francis X. McCarthy - Olsen
    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
    [Tag:doctors, healing]
  • “- Dr. Necessiter: As you know, my research has advanced to a point where I can put her mind into the body of a gorilla.
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: I couldn't fuck a gorilla.”

    David Warner - Dr. Alfred Necessiter
    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
    [Tag:animals, science, sex]
  • “Ladies and gentlemen, I can envision a day when the brains of brilliant men can be kept alive in the bodies of dumb people.”
    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
  • - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Would you read that back to me? I'm afraid that might make me sound pompous to your readers.
    - Olsen: "My brilliant research in brain transplantation is unsurpassed, and will probably make my name live beyond eternity".
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Well, that's all right. Take out the "probably". It makes me sound... (continue)
    (continue reading)
    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
    Francis X. McCarthy - Olsen
  • “- Dolores: By the way, I fired Ramon yesterday.
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Ramon? Ramon is such a fine man. What did he do?
    - Dolores: He came up behind me and he grabbed my breasts.
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: What? I haven't even done that yet.”

    Kathleen Turner - Dolores Benedict
    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
    [Tag:breast, layoff]
  • “I've never seen so many brains out of their heads before! I feel like a kid in a candy store.”

    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
  • “- Butler: You and your wife are expected for dinner.
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: My wife won't be coming.
    - Butler: Oh, I trust she is not ill?
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: She's not ill, she's a cheap, vulgar slut.
    - Butler: Ja, I have heard this.”

    Paul Benedict - Butler
    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
    [Tag:scorn, wife]
  • “- Dolores: I can't wait till next Thursday.
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Today is Monday.
    - Dolores: I know, but my headache should be gone by then.”

    Kathleen Turner - Dolores Benedict
    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
  • “- Butler: Can I get you anything more, doctor? I'm about to retire.
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Really? You seem so young.”

    Paul Benedict - Butler
    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
    [Tag:retirement, youth]
  • “- Olsen: Doctor, were you interested in science as a child?
    - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: I don't know if I was interested so much in the science as I was in the slime that goes along with it. Snakes and frogs. When I saw how slimy the human brain was, I knew that's what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.”

    Francis X. McCarthy - Olsen
    Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
Highlights