Jason Lee quotes
“Celebrities say they date other celebrities because they have the same job. But I think they just like dating famous people. Celebrities attract each other, like cattle.”
“He was never a person, he was a journalist!”
“Now you respect me, because I'm a threat. That's the way it works.”
- Beaver: What's it called when you got a constant woody and it won't go down?
- Henry: You mean priapism?
- Beaver: See, I'm practically “priasmic”.
“- Skip Skipperton: Do you know how I spend my every single solitary moment?
- Dr. Mumford: Jerking off?
- Skip Skipperton: No, that's a good guess though!”
“You can't count on anyone, especially your heroes.”
“Now I know in this little three week Love Boat episode of yours, you think you've come to know what love is. But, you know what? I don't know that you have.”
“- Jay Murphy: The $64,000 question is, how do you know beforehand that you're with the wrong person so you can avoid having them wreak havoc on a large portion of your life?
- Samantha Andrews: I don't think you do know until you meet the right person, 'cause then you just... you just... you just feel something that you know you've never felt...” (continue)(continue reading)
“I wish I could live in the shower. I'd take five a day if I had time. I went to this spa in Germany, a sanitarium practically, up on this mountain. The great thing: they just kept you wet, all day.”
“- Alyssa Jones: So, for you, to fuck is to penetrate. You're used to the more traditional definition. You inside some girl you duped, jackhammering away, not noticing that bored look in her eyes.
- Banky Edwards: Hey, I always notice that bored look in their eyes, alright?”
- Jack Withrowe: Isn't that the shoe you wanted to jam up my ass?
- Page Conners: No, that was the 6" heel.
“When you reach a certain status in Hollywood, you have to play a lot of games to stay in the limelight. It becomes more about being famous than being an actor.”
“It's difficult to get away from the shadow of a TV character.”
“- Max Abbitt: I'm not gonna depress myself, and sit in my room all night listening to Barry Manilow records.
- Jay Murphy: Hey, that was a radio special!”
“She also said I had no dick. Which precedes the financial question, proving once more what women really look for.”
“I may be young but, Doc, I can tell you that I'm very immature.”
“- John Plummer: Duff? Don't you think you're taking a little bit too much off the top?
- Walter P. 'Duff' Duffy: John, I know what I’m doing okay? I've got to taper it so the sunlight reaches the lower leaves during the growing season!
- John Plummer: What about that string there?
- Walter P. 'Duff' Duffy: The string is a guide John. It's just a...” (continue)(continue reading)
“You can do whatever you want with your life, but one day you'll know what love truly is. It's the sour and the sweet. And I know sour, which allows me to appreciate the sweet.”
“- Page Conners: Just give it to me, or would you rather have my heel up your ass?
- Jack Withrowe: Who told you I'm into that?”
“- TS Quint: You should see yourself right now, a grown man with his hand down his pants.
- Brodie: Yeah, I probably look like my old man.”