“- Agent Dana Scully: Are you drunk, Mulder?
- Agent Fox Mulder: I was until about 20 minutes ago.
- Agent Dana Scully: Was that before or after you decided to come here?”
Gillian Anderson - Agent Dana Scully
David Duchovny - Agent Fox Mulder

“I'm sober enough to know I was drunk.”
Richard Harris - Frank

“- Jeff Dunham: Will you please tell these people I don't abuse drugs?
- Peanut: Okaaay! [turns to the audience] Jeff does not abuse drugs.
- Jeff Dunham: Thank you.
- Peanut: He's an alcoholic.”
Jeff Dunham - Himself
Jeff Dunham - Peanut

“Pot and beer. This enhances you. Heightened awareness of your senses, especially touch, a feeling of connection, openness, honesty. It's like being a kid.”
Ari Gold - Cliff

“Oh, shit, I'm a Colombian drug lord.”

Brendan Fraser - Elliot Richards