“- Kim: Why can't you do it?
- Jim: Because my father keeps the damn room locked. We need Edward to get us in.
- Kim: Well can't you just take the key when he's sleeping or something?
- Jim: You don't understand. The only thing that guy hangs onto tighter is his dick.”
Winona Ryder - Kim
Anthony Michael Hall - Jim

“Out of all the Korean liquor stores, why did my dad have to walk into that one?”
Maritza Murray - Keecia

“- Lauren Hannon: Go on, run home to daddy!
- Heather Fitzgerald: At least my family wants me home.”
Crystal Lowe - Lauren Hannon
Mary Elizabeth Winstead - Heather Fitzgerald

“- Sam Callahan: I don't have a father.
- Maurey Pierce: Did he die?
- Sam Callahan: Lydia won't tell me anything about him. When she's drunk she claims virgin birth like Mary and Jesus.”
Bug Hall - Sam Callahan
Mischa Barton - Maurey Pierce

“- Max: Do you realize going off to college means no more well meaning, but totally smothering, overprotective, doting, a-hyuck-ing dads?
- P.J.: Yeah, well... yours, at least. My dad's been counting down the days until he can turn my room into a bowling alley.”
Jason Marsden - Max Goof
Rob Paulsen - P.J. Pete