“- Michael: Where's the playground?
- Elliott: It's near the preschool!
- Michael: Where's that?
- Elliott: I don't know streets! Mom always drives me!
- Michael: Son of a bitch.”
Robert MacNaughton - Michael
Henry Thomas - Elliott

“- Willie Scott: For crying out loud, there's a kid driving the car!
- Indiana Jones: Relax, I've been giving him lessons.”
Kate Capshaw - Willie Scott
Harrison Ford - Indiana Jones

“- Kid #3: My Mommy says smoking kills.
- Nick Naylor: Oh, is your Mommy a doctor?
- Kid #3: No.
- Nick Naylor: A scientific researcher of some kind?
- Kid #3: No.
- Nick Naylor: Well, then she's hardly a credible expert, is she?”
Courtney Taylor Burness - Kid #3
Aaron Eckhart - Nick Naylor

“- Katherine Ann Watson: 25 years ago, someone thought this was brilliant.
- Betty Warren: Who?
- Katherine Ann Watson: My mother. I painted it for her birthday.”

Julia Roberts - Katherine Ann Watson
Kirsten Dunst - Betty Warren

“Quality time with your kids: You know what? Quit bugging 'em. Leave 'em alone. They like it!”
Lindsay Lohan - Anna Coleman