“- Joan: He hasn't slept all week.
- Bumpo: How do you know?
- Joan: 'Cause I haven't slept all week.”

Rebecca Romijn - Joan
John Pinette - Bumpo

“- Mathilda: Sleep well?
- Léon: I never really sleep well. Got one eye open, always.
- Mathilda: Yeah, I forgot. You know, I never saw someone with one eye open snore so much.”
Natalie Portman - Mathilda
Jean Reno - Leon

“- Clown: Be careful. Don't hurt the little guy.
- Skinny: C'mon, elephants ain't got no feelings.”
Billy Bletcher - Clown
Malcolm Hutton - Skinny

“From now on, keep one eye on that candle, another eye on that one, and with the other eye watch me!”

Lou Costello - Ferdinand Jones

“- Freddie: What I can't figure out is if they're protecting us or watching us.
- Ambassador Joseph E. Davies: Maybe a little of both.”
George Tobias - Freddie
Walter Huston - Ambassador Joseph E. Davies