“- The Great Gonzo: Stop the presses!
- Mike Tarkanian: Why? What happened?
- The Great Gonzo: I don't know. I just always wanted to say that.”
“- Elsie: I could never make a good pot roast.
- Saul: You need good beef. Argentina has great beef: beef, and Nazis.”
“- Jack: Lucy? I have to ask you a question.
- Elsie: Get down on one knee, it's more romantic.
- Saul: Elsie, if he's proposing let him do it!
- Elsie: I am letting him do it.”
“- Edward O'Neil: Give me a cigarette.
- Jimmy McGinty: I quit.
- Edward O'Neil: Nobody likes a quitter, Jimmy.”
“I don't give a rats ass for the voters! All I care about is the power and the power that'll give me the money. That's why I'm a success and you're not! America for the Americans. You believe that nonsense? You're stupider than I thought! I'd sell my soul to the Japanese if they made me an offer. And as for you, don't come suckering around me if...” (continue) (continue reading)
“You open your mouth one more time, and I'll shove your head so far up your ass, you'll be talking out of your armpit.”
“- David Shayne: Maybe Olive's got stage fright. Maybe she won't show.
- Julian Marx: Not Olive. That dame doesn't have a nerve in her body. I don't think her spinal cord touches her brain.”
“- Sam Slaton: Remember that colored kid that got caught stealing a case of beer?
- Roy L. Fuchs: Billy Ray? Billy Ray Washington?
- Sam Slaton: Hangin' Judge Harrison gave him thirty five years hard labor!”
“- Judge Francis Rayford: I found out what the meaning of life is.
- Arthur Kirkland: What's that?
- Judge Francis Rayford: It sucks.”
“- Sgt. Major Ross Maclure: How old are you, Julius?
- Julius: Eight.
- Sgt. Major Ross Maclure: You want to live to be nine?”
“- Officer Leary: I told him to move on, but he continued to use profanity and he refused to leave the premises.
- Judge Francis Rayford: What sort of profanity?
- Officer Leary: You know, the normal kind.
- Judge Francis Rayford: Officer Leary, we've all heard these words before, now for the record what did he say?
- Officer Leary: He used... ...” (continue) (continue reading)
“- Roy L. Fuchs: I'd like to talk to my brother.
- Rudy: Well, you're gonna have to talk kinda loud. He left for Miami late last night.
- Roy L. Fuchs: Miami?
- Rudy: Yeah. Miami Beach.
- Roy L. Fuchs: Miami Beach?
- Jeff: Florida.
- Roy L. Fuchs: I know where the fuck Miami Beach is, dummy.”
“I'm Jack Fine and this is my suicidal son, Bobby.”
“Sixteen years of marriage and my wife still won't eat Chinese food. It's crazy, especially since we met in a Chinese restaurant.”
"All Power to the People"? They had it once. It was called the Stone Age.
“- Walter Whitney: It's hard to hate you, Nelson. You have just enough logic to give your sickness respectability. You've sentenced whole races of people to be born losers, and as the father of one, I object. Not that he was born with two strikes on him, but that you won't give him a third pitch to swing at. Goodbye, Nelson.
- Nelson Longhurst:...” (continue) (continue reading)
“- Joe Pendleton: I'm starting against Dallas? What about Jarrett?
- Max Corkle: They don't want to go with Jarrett. They want to go with you. Happy Birthday, Joe!”
“- Peter: You feel so sure of that when you look out on a clear night like tonight and see all those millions of stars, that none of it matters?
- Lloyd: I think its just as beautiful as you do, and vaguely evocative of some deep truth that always just keeps slipping away, but then my professional perspective overcomes me; I just wish for a more...” (continue) (continue reading)
“Walter, you were like a son to me. But as you well know, having a son can turn out to be a bitter disappointment.”
“This isn't going to work. You're playing football with a bunch of butlers!”
“- Saul: So, do you have any family?
- Lucy: My mom died when I was really little and a couple of years ago my dad got sick so we moved from Indiana so he could go to research hospital.
- Saul: Research. Another word for very expensive.
- Lucy: Yeah, I had to quit school and I started working for the CTA and about a year ago he decided he had had...” (continue) (continue reading)
“- Peter: Is there anything more terrifying than the destruction of the world?
- Lloyd: Yes. The knowledge that it doesn't matter one way or the other. Its all random, resonating aimlessly out of nothing and eventually vanishing forever. I'm not talking about the world, I'm talking about the universe, all space, all time, just temporary convulsion.”
“- Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.: Dad, we adopted.
- Benjamin 'Big Ben' Healy, Sr.: Are you insane?
- Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.: I thought you'd be happy.
- Benjamin 'Big Ben' Healy, Sr.: Happy? You don't know what you're letting yourself in for. For all you know, his parents may have met in the looney bin. They might even be democrats!”