“Nothing has changed, Felix. I'm still a pig, you're still a human vacuum cleaner.”
Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison

“- Kate Sullivan: Rumor has it you got balls.
- Lawrence Garfield: I've been trying to show you for weeks.”
Penelope Ann Miller - Kate Sullivan
Danny DeVito - Lawrence Garfield

“- Grant Anderson: Which kind of person are you?
- Marian: I was pretty mad about it. But now... looking at what came my way I think I could be the other kind of person. Quite the philosopher, huh?”
Gordon Pinsent - Grant Anderson
Olympia Dukakis - Marian

“We'll take in a few clean-cut boys from good families, and if we can't make you fighters into gentlemen, we'll try to make some gentlemen into fighters.”
Wallis Clark - Judge Geary

“Poor Fred. I guess you think he's an awful sourpuss. He didn't use to be that way, though. The Army's had an awful effect on him - knocked all the life out of him... you can't have happy marriages on that kind of dough.”

Virginia Mayo - Marie Derry