Danny DeVito quotes
“I've been to the Leaning Tower of Pisa. It's a tower, and it's leaning. You look at it, but nothing happens, so then you look for someplace to get a sandwich.”
“There are two dilemmas that rattle the human skull: How do you hang on to someone who won't stay? And how do you get rid of someone who won't go?”
“I'm saying you've already done plenty of things to regret, you just don't know what they are. It's when you discover them, when you see the folly in something you've done, and you wish that you had it do over, but you know you can't, because it's too late. So you pick that thing up, and carry it with you to remind you that life goes on, the...” (continue)(continue reading)
“I'm smart, you're dumb. I’m big, you're little. I’m right, you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it.”
“- Trunchbull: You have brats yourself?
- Mr. Wormwood: Yeah, I got a boy, Mikey, and one mistake, Matilda.
- Trunchbull: They're all mistakes, children! Filthy, nasty things. Glad I never was one.”
“There is no winning! Only degrees of losing!”
“It doesn't matter whether you're sellingJesus or Buddha or civil rights or 'How to Make Money in Real Estate With No Money Down'. That doesn't make you a human being; it makes you a marketing rep. If you want to talk to somebody honestly, as a human being, ask him about his kids. Find out what his dreams are - just to find out, for no other...” (continue)(continue reading)
“There's nothing you can get from a book that you can't get from a television faster.”
“I didn't go to college. I don't know anybody who did. Bunch of hippies and cesspool salesmen.”
“Everyone is born, but not everyone is born the same. Some will grow to be butchers, or bakers, or candlestick makers. Some will only be really good at making Jell-O salad. One way or another, though, every human being is unique, for better or for worse.”
“Getting old is a gift. I forget that sometimes, but it is. What more could a guy possibly want?”
“- V. A. Vandevere: Max, I know your type. Charlatan, con man, opportunist.
- Max Medici: New York is that way, in case you need directions.
- V. A. Vandevere: And I know it comes from a deep desire to build something authentic and true.
- Max Medici: I know your game.
- V. A. Vandevere: It’s not a game. Some men cheat the rules, others change them.” (continue)(continue reading)
“- V. A. Vandevere: Max, you possess something that’s very rare in life. And the tragedy of it is, is you don’t even know that you have it. Do you know what it is that you have, Max?
- Max Medici: No.
- V. A. Vandevere: It’s mystique.”
“- Max Medici: Why me? Why me? A face only a mother could love.
- Miss Atlantis: Sir, many of us find you handsome.
- Max Medici: I was talking about the elephant!”
“- V. A. Vandevere: Uh, Max, if you don’t mind my asking, where did you come upon the animal?
- Max Medici: He hails from the far east.
- V. A. Vandevere: How far?
- Max Medici: Far.
- Neils Skellig: He doesn’t look like magic to me.
- Holt Farrier: Well, what the heck can you tell by appearances, right?”
“Never do anything I tell you, without checking with me first.”
“- V. A. Vandevere: He stole my elephant! Medici, we had a deal!
- Max Medici: I'm no expert, but I think you have bigger problems!”
“Why do these third world cesspools always got to be so hot?”
“A civilized divorce is a contradiction in terms.”
“Her father was very, very rich, and very, very sick. The doctors assured me he'd be dead any minute. There wasn't a second to lose! I rushed right out and married the boss's daughter. He was so sick, it was like the Angel of Death was sitting in the room with him, watching the clock. They pulled the plug on him... he wheezed and shook for about...” (continue)(continue reading)