John Marwood Cleese quotes
- Harvey "Blind" Pew: It sounded as though there was a bit of a squabble.
- Moon: Squabble? They're all dead!
- Harvey "Blind" Pew: Oh! Must have been more of a tiff then.
Wanda, do you have any idea what it's like being English? Being so correct all the time, being so stifled by this dread of, of doing the wrong thing, of saying to someone "are you married?" and hearing "my wife left me this morning", or saying, uh, "do you have children?" and being told they all burned to death on Wednesday. You see, Wanda,... (continue)(continue reading)
“- Stan aka Loretta: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
- Reg: But you can't have babies.
- Stan aka Loretta: Don't you oppress me.
- Reg: Where's the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box?”
“I think the whole Octopus philosophy is poison. The only aim of any and every McCain business is to downsize and halve the quality, to make enough money to acquire another business to downsize and halve the quality, to make enough money to acquire another business to downsize, without ever running a single one of them really well.”
- First Centurion: What you mean "Could be worse"?
- Matthias, Son of Deuteronomy of Gath: You could be stabbed.
- First Centurion: Stabbed? Takes a second. Crucifixion lasts hours. It's a slow, horrible death.
- Matthias, Son of Deuteronomy of Gath: At least it gets you out in the open air.
“- Maître D': Today we have, for appetizers moules marinières, pâté de foie gras, beluga caviar, eggs Benedictine, tart de poireaux, that's leek tart, frogs' legs amandine, or oeufs de caille Richard Shepherd, c’est à dire, little quails' eggs on a bed of puréed mushroom. It's very delicate, very subtle.
- Mr. Creosote: I'll have the lot.”
"George's secrets". There's the shortest book ever written.
“- Harold Grisham: Vicki, you let go of this bag! Or I swear, I swear to God, I'll report you to the escort service!
- Donald P. Sinclair: Mr. Grisham, what's going on?
- Harold Grisham: The hooker! The hooker! The hooker is taking the money!
- Donald P. Sinclair: What hooker?
- Harold Grisham: Vicki! From the hotel!”
“- Wise Man #1: We were led by a star.
- Mandy Cohen: Led by a bottle, more like.”
“- Willa Weston: Why do you work for us, Rollo?
- Rollo Lee: Cowardice?”
“To the casual eye, it's as good as invisible. Plus all the usual refinements: eject seat torpedoes, target seeking shotguns to shoot down mobile objects.”
“- Von Talon: I'm a vegetarian.
- Mercury: And yet you wear a leather cape.”
“Mr. Grisham, tragically, was born without a personality.”
“Which would you rather have, the crouton or the entire caesar salad? Of course we're going to eat the mice, but only after we have exploited their labors. See, we are nice to the mice because it is intelligent to be so. If we act sweetly, they will come in droves. If we hiss, they will run and we will have to chase after them, an unnecessary...” (continue)(continue reading)
“He who laughs most, learns best. ”
“- Dr. Plumford: You saved my life, Mowgli.
- Mowgli: Yes, Doctor. Now I need you to save the life of another.”
“- Harvey 'Blind' Pew: I may be blind, but I have acute earing.
- Commander Clement: I'm not interested in your jewellery, cloth eyes.”
“I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.”
“There is a connection between neurosis and talent but there is also a connection between genius and mental illness.”
“Thank you very much! Thank you very much. Thank you very very very very much! What awful people.”