“- Ronald Camp: I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Ace. I'll have the plumbing checked immediately.
- Ace Ventura: Be sure that you do! If I'd been drinking out of the toilet, I might've been killed!”
Udo Kerr - Ronald Camp
Jim Carrey - Ace Ventura

“- Rachel: Lil, do we serve water with our whiskey?
- Lil: Only water I serve's got barley and hops in it. Hey everybody, do we serve water in this bar?”
Bridget Moynahan - Rachel
Maria Bello - Lil

“- Mouth: Is this supposed to be water?
- Mama Fratelli: It's wet, ain't it? Drink it!”
Corey Feldman - Mouth
Anne Ramsey - Mama Fratelli

“- Mary Kate Danaher: Could you use a little water in your whiskey?
- Michaleen Flynn: When I drink whiskey, I drink whiskey; and when I drink water, I drink water.”
Maureen O'Hara - Mary Kate Danaher
Barry Fitzgerald - Michaleen Oge Flynn

“Nothing is as soft as water, yet who can withstand the raging flood?”
Jacqueline Kim - Lao Ma