“- Eve: In the first place I do not fall in love with weirdos who I've only known for four or five days!
- Troy: Yes you do.
- Eve: And I don't fall in love with grown men who collect baseball cards!
- Troy: Yes you do.”
Alicia Silverstone - Eve
Dave Foley - Troy

“- Hal: Let me ask you something. Who is the all-time love of your life?
- Mauricio: [ponders] Wonder Woman.
- Hal: Okay... let's say Wonder Woman falls in love with you. And everyone else in the world didn't find her attractive.
- Mauricio: It wouldn't matter. Because I know they'd be wrong.”
Jack Black - Hal
Jason Alexander - Mauricio

“- Jen: In the five years I've known you, every woman, I should say girl, you've gone after has been completely out of your league.
- Hal: What's that supposed to mean?
- Artie: Oh, she doesn't mean anything by it. She's just saying you're not that good looking.
- Hal: Oh! I thought she was implying something really mean.”
Laura Kightlinger - Jen
Jack Black - Hal
Kyle Gass - Artie

“Inner beauty's the easiest thing in the world to see when you're looking for it... the brain sees what the heart wants it to feel.”
Anthony Robbins - Himself

“- William Thatcher: I can't explain it. She makes me feel like a poet.
- Roland: Well you may feel like a poet, but you sound like an idiot. You don't even know her name.”
Shannyn Sossamon - William Thatcher
Mark Addy - Roland