“- Alison Bradbury: And you should see the crap he eats! Cheese balls and beer for breakfast!
- Jason: How do you know what he eats for breakfast?”

Daphne Zuniga - Alison Bradbury
Boyd Gaines - Jason

“- Sweet Daddy Dee: Let's make an analogy here.
- Jeff Dunham: An analogy?
- Sweet Daddy Dee: If we were foods, I would be a fine summer wine that would divine anytime.
- Jeff Dunham: Ah. What about me?
- Sweet Daddy Dee: Every good wine needs a cracker.”
Jeff Dunham - Sweet Daddy Dee
Jeff Dunham - Himself

“- Annie Herman: You can't put wine in Hobo stew!
- Phyllis Nefler: Why not? What goes better with Hobos than wine?”
Mary Gross - Annie Herman
Shelley Lee Long - Phyllis Nefler

“- Johnny Dangerously: Whatcha cookin' here ma?
- Ma Kelly: Beer.
- Johnny Dangerously: With noodles! Great idea!”

Michael Keaton - Johnny Dangerously
Maureen Stapleton - Ma Kelly

“- Captain Knewt: Sergeant, I hope you like vodka.
- Radar Analyst Kirkland: Yes, sir. I just hope they don't make me eat none of them damn fish eggs.”

Jason Bernard - Captain Knewt
Billy Ray Sharkey - Radar Analyst