- Charlie Carbone: Look, Sal, we know that your upset.
- Salvatore "Sal" Maggio: It's not your fault.
- Charlie Carbone: What?
- Sal Maggio: A lion can raise a mouse, but the mouse is still a mouse. And you, Charlie, are that mouse.

Jerry O'Connell - Charlie Carbone
Christopher Walken - Salvatore 'Sal' Maggio

“Six years of drama school... for this.”

Peter Sagal - Clown's Joy

“I'm the answer to a fucking Trivial Pursuit question.”

Michael Keaton - Riggan

“She finds human imperfection unforgiveable. And when I gradually discovered that my relationship to her was supposed to be not that of a loving husband and a good companion, but... but that of a kind of high priest to a virgin goddess, then my drinks grew deeper and more frequent.”

Cary Grant - C. K. Dexter Haven

“You boys have had your fun. Now pay for it.”

Charles Judels - The Coachman