“- George Peters: I told you I was a married man with two children.
- Doris: You're not?
- George Peters: I'm a married man with three children... I thought it would make me seem less married. All right, I didn't think it through, all right? There's been like a lead weight inside me all morning. I mean, denying little Debbie like that!”
Alan Alda - George Peters
Ellen Burstyn - Doris

“- Dorian Montier: I'd like to be the father-to-be.
- Sally Jackson: You can't be the father and the brother! That's the kind of thing that messes kids up!”
Luke Wilson - Dorian Montier
Drew Barrymore - Sally Jackson

“- Edna Maverick: It really wasn't that easy for him growing up. Like I said before, he never really knew his father.
- Cody Maverick: I'm not really the person to ask about it, truthfully, because I was too young to remember. I'm not the only kid on the island whose dad was eaten.”
Dana Belben - Edna Maverick
Shia LaBeouf - Cody Maverick

“I know every kid thinks his dad is invincible.”
Kurt Russell - Steve Stronghold

“- Gregory Stark: Is this your kid?
- Steve Arlo: Nope. Just a rental.”
Ryan O'Neal - Gregory Stark
Ben Stiller - Steve Arlo