“Christmas is just about my favorite time. Ever since I was a little kid, I always felt like it was my own personal holiday.”
Jim Varney - Ernest P. Worrell

“- Harry Lime: What store is going to make the most cash on Christmas Eve that nobody's gonna think to rob?
- Marv Merchants: Candy stores!
- Harry Lime: Nine year-olds rob candy stores, Marv.”
Joe Pesci - Harry Lime
Daniel Stern - Marv Merchants

“- Clark Griswold: Could I do your back, honey?
- Ellen Griswold: I've already done my back.
- Clark Griswold: Could I do your front?
- Ellen Griswold: Go do your own front.”
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold

“- Rick: Hey when are you going to stop calling me Barny?
- Turtle: When you're not a Barny anymore, Barny.”
Matt Adler - Rick
John Philbin - Turtle

“- Turtle: Stay loose, Haole.
- Rick: What's a Haole?
- Turtle: A tourist, a mainlander, like you.
- Rick: I'm not a tourist.
- Turtle: Whatever, Barney.
- Rick: What's a Barney?
- Turtle: It's like Barno... Barnyard... a haole to the max, a kook in and out of the water. Yeah?”
John Philbin - Turtle
Matt Adler - Rick