“- News Reporter: Mr. Vanderhoff, would you care to comment on the rumor that President Roosevelt has been assassinated?
- Vincent Vanderhoff: Guys, how am I supposed to know that? I haven't been upstairs yet. Excuse me.”

Fred Willard - Vincent Vanderhoff

“- Crease: Now what are you saying, the NSA killed Kennedy?
- Mother: No, they shot him but they didn't kill him. He's still alive.”
Sir Sidney Poitier - Crease
Dan Aykroyd - Mother

“- Bob Alexander: I'm going to kill him.
- Alan Reed: You can't kill a President.
- Bob Alexander: He's not a President. He's an ordinary person. I can kill an ordinary person.”
Frank Langella - Bob Alexander
Kevin Dunn - Alan Reed

“The President is coming to Somersville. Will you have the cars and the machine guns ready in about an hour?”
Shirley MacLaine - Tess Carlisle

“- Bellman: You know, Herbert Hoover once stayed here on this floor.
- Kevin McCallister: The vacuum guy?
- Bellman: No, the President.”
Rob Schneider - Bellman
Macaulay Culkin - Kevin McCallister